your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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