Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
