Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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