Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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