There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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