she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
