just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
