Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
