omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
