I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's the barista slut.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
