There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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