Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
