eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
