im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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