On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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