im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
