youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
is that a dick in a sweater?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
