Please, let me fuck your mom
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
