im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
