it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
