Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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