i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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