we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
