Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
