I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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