I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
