Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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