either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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