grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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