I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
