I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
