She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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