I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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