There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
