The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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