im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
