the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
