I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
