Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
