I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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