Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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