I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
worst night to have a conscience
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
