marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
