im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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