Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize