She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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