i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
