i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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