i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So squirting runs in the family.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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