he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
