We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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