spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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