I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
