we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
