ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Soap is not a condiment
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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