i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
