I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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