The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
