If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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