his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
