In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
