Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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