Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
