sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
