Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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