Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You've changed since you got that strap on
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
