Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize