pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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