We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
