I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
