he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we're making bets on your personal life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
