Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
