how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
