You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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