guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
