Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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