all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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