so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
